Crystal Valentine – Catalogue of Ass

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Curated By Ralph

"The Road Not Taken" is a source of inspiration for me, because it encourages me to seize opportunities and chart my own course in life.

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Crystal Valentine, performing at Park Square Theatre in Saint Paul, MN.

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One ass spilled out the frayed shorts, The skirt, the jeans. One ass cleared a whole path and jiggled When Juvenile blasted
through the speakers. One ass busted open on a handstand. (laughter) One ass stood patient, expectant,
waiting for instructions. One ass is small, Lands flat like a bad joke. One ass guided from its mama. One ass guided from a basement syringe. One ass took a yellow powdered pill That still didn’t work. One ass takes a long jog around the block. One ass wears a bonnet to sleep. One ass mows the lawn
while it waits for the mailman. One ass is still under construction. One ass lives in Europe, Floats in a glass jar. Children stand behind it, pointing. One ass wore white leggings to church. One ass wore a thong imprinted
with strawberry ice cream cones. One ass pinned a diamond stud
in each dimple. One ass practiced yoga. One ass balanced
a champagne glass on its face. One ass charged men $20. One ass is printed on a $20 bill. One ass lets… (chuckles) One ass lets them smack it purple
across the cheeks. One ass didn’t give permission
for the picture. One ass has a million followers. One ass gets followed a million times. One ass lures hands with vinegar. One ass is afraid of bus stops.

One ass carries a cement block. One ass leaves a trail of wasps. One ass takes itself off, Hangs nets to the fur in its closet. One ass built itself out
of brown paper maché. One ass got a three-hour special
on the Discovery Channel. (applause)

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